How to tediously link Arsenal players into a fake game of Poker

The Flop

First up taking their seat in my fake game of tedious Poker  is my flop. It could be one of any number of ex-Arsenal superstars, including the African flamboyance of Kaba Diawara, the calamitous egg-head, Pascal Cygan, or maybe a centre-half duo of Grimandi and Stepanovs, but my ‘flop’ stoolis well and truly reserved for one-cap-wonder, Francis Jeffers. Bought from Everton for a massive £8m, the King of Goodison soon became the Joker of Highbury after three seasons of woefulness.

The Pair

It has to be Wenger and Rice. I am not sure what Wenger’s socialising skills are like. In his press calls he resembles something of a grumpy old man - an ideal Poker face I hear you call - so I grant that he could be dark horse for my duff kitty. Speaking of kittys, have you ever seen a quieter man than Pat Rice? The twosome are so blind they cannot see each other in a BHS lift, therefore working out their rack is gonna be a toughy.

Three of a Kind

Petit, Vieria and Flamini… three French holding midfield players… well, Petit was arguably the pioneer of the defensive midfield role (step aside Claude!), and I reckon his craft and guile could sit well around the Poker table. Vieria, however, was notably handy when it came to cards… just ask Roy. Flamini did well for his purse, leaving on a free transfer and copping a tidy signing-on fee from AC Milan, so he knows how to play the game… all in (boom-boom).

The Flush

Here’s something that you maybe didn’t know. Rami Shaaban, former Arsenal goalkeeper, supposedly is addicted to drinking coffee – I suppose it is cold on the sidelines; wheyyy! The Egyptian-cum-Swede’s obsession with coffee sees this Poker player granted access to my pretentious game. Rami, favourably, can keep the team stocked up with Kenco while in between games, and thus defining the various tedious link to ‘the flush’ – if you know what I mean.

The Bluff

Arguably the biggest bluff in Premier League history was Robert Pires’ feeble attempt to square a penalty; therefore the bearded Frenchman takes his spot at my Poker table. While Pires gets himself comfortable, though, it would be rude not to invite his French counterpart from that infamous cocked-up showboat, Monsieur Henry. Take a seat Thierry…

The Joker

Let’s face it; Paul Merson knows the most popular poker sites out there, so if there’s a loose game of Snap filtering through the team bus, then Merse is in on it! The former England international was reputed to have gambled his £300,000 home at one point during his illustrious career, a little excessive one might admit, but thankfully following years of rehab, today you’re more likely see Merse walking away from the pot… ahmm…

The Raise

Sol Campbell > Spurs to Arsenal > £15,000 to £30,000 > mid-table to Champions League > Small team in North London to Big team in North London > 6’1” to 6’3” > Ok… so I may not be accurate with Sol’s contract terms and I may be exaggerating a little in suggesting Sol grew two inches upon signing for Arsenal, but you get the gist and the link ties him nicely into my nonsensical Arsenal related Poker game.

#harderthanyouthink

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