Robbie Savage’s top 3 English league legends ever... and Emile Heskey - Parody

 I said to myself, Sav, you better do some research for this, watch a DVD of some old football. Then, disaster: the wife comes back early from 'Tanfastic' and has me wading through the house moat looking for a missing fish.

Andy Impey, our Japanese Koi Karp with the diamond-studded gills, had gone AWOL again. By the time I found him, I was due at my bi-weekly waistcoat fitting. So, no DVD for Sav. Anyway, maximum respect to Moore, Best, Bernard Matthews, Pele, and all the other English legends, but it’s the Carling Premier League (sponsored by Barclays) people want to hear about nowadays. Not a bunch of bloody paupers who played in black and white.

 Bryan Robson

Captain Marvel, as I like to call him. What a legend. Loved a drink (this was in the days before all the health and safety stuff Arsene Wenger brought in from the French continent) Having 25 team-bonding pints with the boys every night didn’t stop Robbo going out every week and breaking his collarbone for Queen and country. Top bloke, and a proper legend to boot. Which I did in training once or twice before Sir Alex shipped me off to Crewe!! I also had the privilege of never being managed by him.

 Dennis Bergkamp

The Dutch maestro had something other players didn’t: two feet. He could go either way (left OR right) and scored goals for fun. I remember the hat trick he scored at Leicester like it was yesterday. Literally. I saw it last night on '50 Greatest Goals EVER!', an in-depth rundown of the golden years of the premiership presented by John Bishop. Some great analysis by Shovel from M People. That guy knows almost as much about football as he does soulful bongos. Legend. The thing about Dennis is, he had a football brain. You can't buy that. There’s no such thing as a football brain shop – no matter how much Theo Walcott wishes it. Anyway, Bergkamp: like most of the foreign boys, he went missing after a clump (Zola was the same, Zamora), but still, legend.

 Alan Shearer

Shearer and Sutton, Shearer and Sheringham, The SAS. Legends. Even when Al played up front on his own for Newcastle because they didn’t have another striker whose name began with ‘S’, he still kept banging them in. Legend. He loves a bit of banter. I remember one time on MOTD, I rocked up in a new suit, real classy number with my birthday sewn in big roman numerals on the back, and Al went to town on me. Just a top, top bloke. His command of the English language is something I aspire too. Did I mention he’s a legend?

 Emile Heskey

What can you say about Emile Heskey...? Legend!

By Michael Curle

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Comments

[Ham_simple]

Ha! Brilliant. More please.