Fond farewell to the definition of flop

So, it seems to have been all but confirmed that our record signing Johan Elmander is off to Galatasaray on a free transfer at the end of the season. If a lesson is to be learned from his 3 months at the club, it is surely that we should never break our record fee ever again.

2 of our last 3 record signings have been the Swedish hunchback and Dean Holdsworth.

First and foremost I must point out that I have no gripes with the Swede leaving the club, nor for accepting the ludicrous contract he was offered to play here in the first place. When you are abused by your own fans for all but a 4 months spell at the club before being shunted out wide and then into central midfield as a striker to play along the multi-limbed Fabrice Muamba it cannot be easy. The lure of Champions League football and playing upfront in a much easier league in front of full home crowds each week is irresistible.

And the goal against Wolves is my favourite by any Bolton player ever, it was beautiful having Dennis Bergkamp playing for our ugly club for 4 seconds.

And now for the fun and much easier part, the reasons why I’m glad he’s gone. Not since Steve Claridge has a player worn his sock so low ala Platini with his ability so far from such a statement. Even half of his goals this season have come from trademark ‘ankle it from one foot to the other and biff your way through the defence’ technique. I’ve rarely seen a professional athlete who looks like he’s about to topple over when running; although he is not quite in Riccy Gardner’s league yet as on one occasion he actually stayed upright post-kick.

The investment we put into this fella is ridiculous for a club of our stature. Remember when we bought Anelka for £7m-ish and sold him for £15m? Well I’m no Vorderman but signing this fella for £8m and loosing him free kind of buggers that gain up royally.

Reports flying around claim his 22 goals have come of at a cost of around £17 million wages and fee combined. Hopefully OC will be able to use these loosened wages to get a couple of decent lads in, one who can perhaps score consistently would be a start. But to cut it at the top level we will almost certainly have to add to our cringe worthy debt, good strikers don’t come free. Just ask Galatasaray fans next summer.

As far as replacements, we all know who we want. Danny ‘I love playing for Chelsea, I’m focussed on Chelsea’ Sturridge. Unfortunately I get eh impression he wants to play for Chelsea. Given our financial state I imagine it will be a lower league effort in the mould of Tom Eaves, who was setting the North West a glow with a single good performance against our pre-season team a year ago.

Anyway, farewell Johann, you have been Megson’s Konchesky and it’s nice to see the back of you, only more expensive. If you think we can’t blame everything on the ginger tosser nowadays just wait till next time when I blame him for our release of a contender for worst strip of all time for the 3^rd consecutive season.

Sigh. 

Philip Gillett

Follow me on twitter @Phil_Gillett