Shoddy siblings

It must be nice to be Eric Cantona’s brother. Yes you can tell all your mates that your bro is/was one of the greatest footballers ever, but Joel Cantona also managed to dodge benefits after building a career in football, arguably based on his sibling’s talents. He’s by no means alone, just ask Graham (Carrick), John (Rooney) or Digão (Kaka’s little brother) who all have failed to live up to their brother’s efforts in the game. It leads me to bring you my top 5 brotherly flops*

Disclaimer

*due to the word ‘flop’ being used as an adjective describing these so-called footballers, the Terry family have been left out for legal reasons.

5.   Lesly Malouda

Useless fact for the boozer: Florent is married to Florencia… could get confusing don’t you think?

On the other side of the family tree you find Lesly, who wasn’t a bridesmaid, but is currently kickin’ about in Ligue 2 with FC Dijon. After a good few years washing Florent’s boots in the family garage, he was eventually released from top flight club Lens after just a hand full of appearances. It’s harsh to say he is blagging a career based on Florent’s abilities, as I am sure the French Ligue 2 isn’t a bad standard, but with barely 100 starts in 11 years as a pro, he’s hardly the next Djorkaeff.

4.   Joel Cantona

As previously mentioned, Monsieur Cantona whizzed around the footballing world like a pricked penny floater, while his elder brother tore up the Premier League and made a legendary status at Old Trafford. The ‘versatile’ defender even turned up on English shores at one point, pulling on a shirt briefly for Peterborough before doing likewise at Stockport. He bizarrely went from Edgeley Park to France’s top club, Marseille where he eventually realised it was time to forget it.

He was last seen filming minor roles in French movies… SHOCK!

3.   Hugo Maradona

While Diego was dancing round defenders and injecting himself, he had a brother showcasing the Maradona name in… wait for it… the Japanese second division. Hugo first followed his illustrious sibling around Europe. In Italy he played for Ascoli, albeit for a mere 13 games, before swapping shores for Spain (when his brother signed for Barcelona) joining Rayo Vallecano. Luckily for him, he didn’t get toiled in the Diego’s scandals and instead, settled down in Puerto Rico where he eventually gave up the game.

2.   Youseff Zidane

Youseff by name, useless by nature. The youngster once had a trial with Grimsby Town, but Brian Laws wasn’t convinced that the playmaker had any capabilities at all and he was soon sent back to France. Youseff was once quoted saying: “I am as good as my brother; I just haven’t had the right opportunities.”

I can only suggest that the trial at Grimsby wasn’t quite up to the standard of the Bernabeu. Baby Zizou eventually forged out an eight year career in France, U.S.A, China, and Liberia, before finally hanging up his boots following an ill-fated spell in Nigeria.

1.   Joël Drogba & Freddy Drogba

It must be a Joel thing. Not only did Mama Drogba give us a one wailing, horse haired forward, she actually gave us two (and a further spare one)… yes everything you see in the Chelsea man is replicated in his brothers, apart from an actual ability to play football. To be fair to Freddy, he’s only 17 and currently in the Le Mans youth system (the same one that produced Didier), but let’s face it, I’d never heard of him until I Googled Didi. Middle brother Joel has butchered a career in football having failed trials with Leyton Orient amongst others in recent history.

Simon Bourne

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Comments

[Lee Morgan]

We here at Southend Utd had:

Leon ( brother of Carl ) Cort
Tommy & Michael Black
Tes ( brother of Titus ) Bramble