Please find enclosed my application and CV

RE: My application for position of Professional Footballer.

Dear Mr. DJ Campbell,

Please find enclosed my application for the position you currently have vacant for a professional footballer.

Having seen the vacancy advertised on your website, I feel I meet the criteria just about perfectly, and wish to be considered for the post.

I believe that I am the ideal candidate for the role having spent the past 18 months addicted to Pro Evo on X-Box Live. For the past month I have been working with Manchester Red and have taken them to consecutive promotions. I signed Crustiano Rinaldo on a free transfer and turned him into a revolution. I have scored umpteen goals and mastered the Cliyff turn to perfection with a double tap-A’B’A’B’C’C.

In addition to my Pro Evo expertise, I also have a successful history on Actua Soccer where I created a dream team, literally, involving a green monstrous striker dubbed John. Barry Davies described my skills as ‘brilliant’ when I tonked one in from 30 yards once for Arsenal…

I am absolutely class at Sunday League level, having bagged a brace in a pre-season friendly once. My manager often tells me that if I keep going, I will make it. I am only 28 and certainly feel that my peak is ahead of me therefore I urge you to offer me this opportunity.

About six years back I saw Alan Shearer in a bar in Newcastle. I saw him drinking with his pals and I am sure I stood next to one of his friends in the men’s room. I didn’t feel fazed at all about the situation and therefore feel I could cope with the pressures of being a Premier League footballer.

I can work one in every two Saturdays because I am currently tied into a contractual agreement with The Stag’s Head, but would be willing to negotiate an early settlement depending on a signing on fee from your company.

I have passed a volleyball coaching level 1 certificate when I was at college and therefore I feel these skills could be adapted to football easily. I think that I could definitely manage a club in the Premier League after I finish playing therefore longevity could be key to my employment.

I would be looking for a salary close to what I currently earn now playing for The Stags, about £80’000 a fortnight in addition to a 30% goal bonus.

I look forward to hearing from you with regards to my application,

Yours sincerely,

Mr A.M Bishers

Simon Bourne

http://twitter.com/#!/I3orny

Comments

[Scouser]

Bring back old championship manager, i was a true god on that

[Withheld]

i got 3 managers players in 5 years, fergie sign me up? right back though, but could do a job centre half

[Borny]

haha quality...

Champman 01/02.... unreal that game! Still play it now occasionally!